i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
