I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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