I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
