guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
