New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
