listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
