i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
