I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
