He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
