I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
