all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
