i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I am one with the molecules
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
