I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
