3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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