I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
