If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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