I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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