that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You have to summon your inner elephant
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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