Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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