It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
