I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just want to make out with him forever
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
