Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
