things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
