i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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