Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
