She's like a pop up book from hell.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
