Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
