Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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