um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
