I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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