My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
