Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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