my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
