The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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