Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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