Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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