well I can't set my house on fire every night
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm always down for nudity.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
