the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
