Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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