your like the ambassador to my penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
