There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
