She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
