At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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