Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My bed smells like the plague
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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