sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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