Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
