guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
