i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
