She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
