whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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