So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
