hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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