I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
