I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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