is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
