you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
