IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
