And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
