Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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