there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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