chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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