hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
