We won't sleep together?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
