this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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