I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
